i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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