i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
