I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
