I showed him my bush... on skype.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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