i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
