seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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