It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
