I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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