I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
God I need to hump something, right now.
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