Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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