at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
