You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
