I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
