How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
