Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
