So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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