i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
