so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
