The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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