Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize