I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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