He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
