so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
