i already hear my dad disowning me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
