i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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