Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
