hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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