I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
