I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
be right there i have to get my cape
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
