how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
