Your tits are I can't wait for
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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