I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize