Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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