I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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