my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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