Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
