I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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