okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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