Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize