i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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