3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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