Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
