You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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