she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
