Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
