Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
