Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
