In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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