dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize