goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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