We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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