I'm lost and stupid without you.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
