last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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