Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize