a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
