I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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