I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
