Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
