Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
