She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
