And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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