better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
