Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Fuck appropriateness.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
