Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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