I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
