I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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