this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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