he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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