I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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