is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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