woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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